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Okayyyyyyy, so it has been requested (by many) that I talk about what it is like to marry into a Samoan family. Ha ha oh boy…
Now I say marry into a Samoan “family” as that’s exactly what you do, you marry the mum, the dad, the siblings, the nieces, nephews, the church and the rice cooker haha.
No, but in all seriousness this is a subject that is so requested but is so hard to talk about for me because, just like politics and religion, cultural differences cause quite the ruckus.
In simple terms, it’s Hard!
If you asked probably 80% of the population who have married an islander in general, that are not of islander background themselves, I’m probably 99.9% sure they’d say it’s not easy. At some point it has been difficult, and don’t lie, honesty is key guys!
Now just to clear this up, just because I said it is hard, does not mean that I do not love being married to my husband. NO, I love him honestly more than I could ever explain. When he’s not being angry, snoring or complaining constantly about my driving, or being tired and hungry.
(Photo cred: @chris_faauma3)
But look, I’m pretty sure all husband’s/boyfriends/girlfriends/life partners have some sort of flaw/s. If you were truly honest with yourself you would understand that you do too. No body is perfect right?
Anyway… getting back on track, I love my husband, I think you get it. Haha.
I feel I need to break this down, not only for the non-samoans, such as myself but for those who can probably relate.
What is it like to be married to a Samoan?
THE SAMOAN WAY (fa’a samoa)
Is always the right way. Haha! you’ve all heard the saying “my way or the highway” yep well the comparison is “my way” = Samoan way and “the highway” = the palagi (white people) way, or in other words you’re just wrong. Lol!
People have often actually asked me how I survive, like I have written an ‘incase of emergency/non-Samoan guide to survival’ pamphlet lol.
Look, I learnt the hard way, but to be fair, the most efficient way, regarding Samoan language and simple fa’a samoa things. Being yelled at. Honestly don’t laugh, but if you do something wrong, especially when it’s something important, you can rely on an islander to point it out hahaha.
In saying that, they want you to learn fast and are very persistent and passionate with teaching and sharing the Samoan way of life.
Okay… As a rule of thumb. If you marry an island man, do not, I repeat DO NOT! Get on the mum’s bad side. She is the backbone of the family, the dad may think he is but honestly… just… no.
She has the power to bring down some hefty wrath lol.
I do love my mother in law, My husband is her firstborn so the pressure is real!
Well, although they’re quite strict, they’re usually the more understanding and laid back. UNLESS … you really f****d some shit up. Or … the mother’s wrath becomes what I like to call ‘one band, one sound’ now this is where mum and dad team up to shut you down. Game over !!
Good cop, bad cop gone wrong lmao.
It does happen, but they are great parents, with strong values, beliefs and a real strong purpose and honestly want the best for their children. They just want their children to grow up respecting their culture and all that comes with it.
Being funny and having a talent (singing, dancing, instrument, sports) is almost as important as having a limb. I am yet to come across a Samoan, or islander for that matter, who does not make jokes every hour of every day. Or one that has no talent.
My husband is the biggest clown, he is constantly joking. Which is funny for everyone else, but means difficult conversations between us never get resolved. He’s always chasing the joke and it makes me look like a nag because I probably take life a little too seriously now. On short he jokes enough for the both of us for a lifetime, all in one day.
Check out the Laughing Samoans and watch their videos on YouTube. It proves my point about Samoan’s and comedy. #hilarious
(source: Pinterest / Laughing Samoans)
Okay moving on…
ok a biggie! Samoan’s are very generous. Sometimes as an outsider you would think probably 90% more generous than they should be, as sometimes the generosity causes more issues.
But… a wise Pastor recently told me she spent 10 years fighting with her Samoan husband about cultural things she did not agree with. What she got out of it was nothing! Now she just prays and leaves her anger and confusion in God’s hands. It makes things easier that way.
I sure as hell don’t wanna argue with Mefi any longer than I have to. So he earns his money and spends his money as he likes, as long as there is nappies and formula for the kids. I’m not a joint account kind of wife. I need some space and some independence.
If I can’t pee on my own, I’d like to have something that’s just mine.
If you are one of those wives that hold the man’s card and money and he can’t even have like 5c. There’s something wrong with you! I don’t get it honestly, why does one person have to wear the pants?
There’s two pant legs guys. Don’t be greedy. Haha
Now this is a touchy subject because ‘giving’ is a big Samoan tradition. So although I disagree with a lot of it, my opinion doesn’t really matter lol. It’s tradition! My job is to support… as long as it’s coming out of his pay right girlssss? Haha whatta selfish dude lol.
*got chu babe* lol
Whether they like it or not, they gotta go. You might as well start accepting it.
Could you imagine being like a 10 year old Samoan kid being like “nah, I ain’t going to church.” Now Samoans are all about that church life and making sure everybody know they holy. If your kid not at church, everyone’s gotta know why.
Honestly you could be 21 and still get the best beat down haha.
It’s… about… to… go…Down!
Lucky I’m already a Christian, so this part, although there are a lot of duties in a Samoan church, was a bit easier for me because the fundamentals and the foundation of basic Christianity was already there.
(Disclaimer: I’m not a perfect Christian!)
Let’s just say when I first met Mefi’s family nearly 8 years ago it was weird. I’m an only child, I enjoy my privacy, my underwear being where I left them, and my shoes not being worn. lol Mefi has 8 siblings, eighttt! but I find that so many people make a big deal about having a big family, but to be honest when it’s going good, having a big family is the best! Christmas is awesome. It’s hard but sometimes having a big family is more exciting then sitting by yourself.
It doesn’t matter if you have one baby or 56 babies, it’s our own choice and you can be black, white, yellow, Korean Jesus … whatever it doesn’t matter stop judging people by the amount of children they have. Maybe they just love sex. Haha hahaha sorry.
Look there are so many topics (food, chores…) and I could honestly go on forever. But, my advice would be push your partner to achieve more. Preferably, before having children, so they create a good life for themselves first and learn to live and learn on their own first.
If they don’t, the journey can get rough!
Well that’s my little sneak peak into being married to a Samoan.
Hope you enjoyed it.
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Love you all
by Carmen xo