Today, I find myself balling my eyes out in silence and in private while my kids are at their weekly visit at nanna’s house and my husband is watching the football with his family.
I’m not balling my eyes out because I’m lonely, and no one has done anything for me to be upset. Tonight I just had time to reflect and I just feel a bit lost.
Lost in all the daily routines. Lost in whether I have been cutting it as a mum. Worried about how my kids were today while I was at work.
Worried about putting in the continuous effort to make sure my husband feels loved even though I’m tired, sore, mentally exhausted and just remembered I haven’t showered yet (something which used to be a luxury is now a chore, frankly its no longer relaxing and classified as alone time. My shower now consists of three bodies in a pea sized cubicle, squeezing shampoo on the floor, flicking water, opening the shower door to flood the bathroom floor, multiple attempts to wash knotty hair filled with vicks chest rub and yelling the same instructions 10000 times. I then turn up the heat and have a 2 minute necessity wash while my husband wrangles the kids out of the shower and wraps them in a towel like a straight jacket (clearly a dad tactic to keep all movements and unnecessary work to a minimum). Reluctantly I crawl out of the shower to help battle dressing the two picky children with my husband … Not so relaxing anymore)
I find myself torn between striving for a better life, but loving my family the way they are in the moment.
Wait… Did the kids eat today? Was it nutritious?
This is what a mum gets carried away with everyday and doesn’t get time to really sit and think.
(FYI yes they did eat)
Yes dads do it too, I don’t underestimate the power of the dad at all. The feeling of safety and warmth that comes from a dad is irreplaceable.
But… Being a mum can suck. You change every part about yourself to provide for this little alien that came out of your hoohaa and it gets exhausting. You never really switch off as a mum. I honestly feel like I don’t sleep anymore because I’m constantly listening out for ‘issues’ like what the actual fuck?
Some days you feel very underappreciated and those days can be shitty. The days where everything closes in on you. The kids decided they’d be extra cheeky and break extra things, outside of the day to day norm. You have people asking why your child is crying (because a child cries, really do I need to write you a mathematic formula or Pythagoras theorem on crying children, it bloody happens)
Or when your husband will take every chance he can to ‘duck out’ and you’re just counting down the seconds until its bedtime. Where, remember, you then don’t sleep because you’re still on alert…
The days you’ve asked, for the seventh week in a row, for your husband to vacuum a certain spot in the house while you’re not there, but continue to see it not done. I honestly will leave whatever it is that is not my job there for weeks just so I can prove a point.
Look at this, I SPECIFICALLY asked you to do this for several weeks!
Really accentuating the ‘specifically’ and ‘several weeks’ because honestly what man/boy/guy everrrrrrr does anything the first time, or even the 23rd time you have asked them? None? Yeah I know.
But although no one ever remembers the anniversaries, or important milestones, dates, events, appointments, or how to look after themselves, being a mum is so very rewarding. I created (with the help of my husbands swimmers ha ha ha thanks love) two beautiful, funny children. I am proud.
All you mummy’s, being a mum is hard. Pat yourself on the back from time to time, because, well who else will?
Husbands/Partners do something nice for your other half. It is the small things that count! Being on time for a date, remembering a certain thing that is important to them. Making the kids a meal. Bathing the children without a fight. Hugging your partner, just because.
Teamwork makes the dream work.
Thanks for reading a day in the life of a mums head or otherwise known as ‘mum life’.
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Love from mine to yours